Marriage, Mother-in-law and Melodrama

Marriage, Mother-in-law and Melodrama

In India, in the majority of cases, after a couple ties the knot, the daughter-in-law moves into the husband’s house to live with his parents. All of sudden newlywed bride gets entangled in many new relationships at this new home. The concept of boundaries does exist in Indian families but it is never practices in reality. When you marry an Indian, you marry the whole family. The most difficult relationship is how to handle sometimes a demanding mother-in-law and other family members?

Riya is a happy going girl from Mumbai got married to a Punjabi guy from Patiala. She was working in the developmental sector, while beau  a medical professional. They were in a strong relationship for several years as they knew each other and decided to go for marriage. It was the most difficult decision for Riya’ s parents to send their daughter from a metro city to a small town but they have to accept it. After few small issues and pesky incidence finally, Riya got married. Riya was happy and started dreaming of her new life.

Finally, the day arrived and Riya with all her beautiful dreams landed in  her new home. She started mixing and interacting with all family members. She found her sister in law as a good friend, father in law was broad-minded and understanding by nature.  The problem arrived with mother in law (MIL).  She was a typical Indian mother-in-law (MIL) and a quite complicated person.

In most of the cases, mother-in law behaves like a strict ruler.  She will keep on releasing orders and daughter in law has to implement all those. Riya’s MIL also set few rules for her to get up early in the morning, take bath before preparing  breakfast for the whole family, do all household work, prepare lunch, dinner, distribute milk to everyone at the bedtime. These hard realities were not part of the dreams of Riya. She started following all the instructions of MIL as she does not want anyone finger out her parents and their rearing. MIL started making comments on cooking and other household work patiently carried out by Riya.  One day she told Riya “Shadi ke baad beta Ma ka nhi, Bibi ka ho jata hai” (After marriage son follows his wife not the mother). Riya did not replied but could read between the lines of her MIL and her agony.

Another shocking day for Riya was, when she was working on the computer and put on her spectacles. Her MIL asked Riya  “ Ghar se bahar jana to chashma mat pahnana, badnami hogi” (not to wear spectacles when you go out, it is shameful for us). Riya in the first place could not understand the link between wearing a chasma and ghar ki ijjat? It was something against her own wish and will and perhaps an issue of one’s own dignity. These comments ( not suggestions) from MIL started annoying Riya.

Riya just recollected  a lesson , which her mother taught that  building a relationship with MIL  is a PROCESS and you have  to be PATIENT. Your efforts will eventually pay off  because, in Indian families, respect is earned from the elders, not just simply given for free.  Riya’s mom also explained to her that MIL is most important in your marriage so sharing a tricky relationship with her can spell trouble for a peaceful marital life. You need to handle your MIL with extreme care, precaution and strategic planning. Riya understood the wise advise from her mother. 

Each relationship is been built over time. They don’t happen just like that. Hence relationships should have their limitation and boundaries, which need to be maintained. Now the question arises till when Riya need to do all this; few years OR throughout the life? Why always Riya has to listen and make adjustments and sacrifices? It is difficult to answer all these questions without getting in to feminist and Gender lens. We have thousands of Riyas  in the 21^st century of shining India who are struggling and strategizing their relationships not only with their life partners and  children but also with the husband’s family members and distant relatives. And most importantly with the in-laws and  especially the MIL  in their life for finding peaceful solutions so that families are well-preserved and cherished!

let us hope for the better future for many Riya who are not able to express their feelings but silently suffering in the name of family name, status, values and culture!

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