Is it correct to reveal grief ?

Is it correct to reveal  grief ?

Grief/Sorrow is a response to loss that affects our physical, emotional, behavioural, social, financial, and spiritual lives. It does not only occur in response to death; any loss can cause us to grieve. The year 2020 brought grief for many across the world, which is a normal and natural response in pandemic time. I am in grief since 19^th August 2019 ,the day my  youngest sister left for heavenly abode. She was a single mother, full of life and energy. She was working, managing home and kids well. I used to admire and she was my inspiration.

In the Bhagwad Geeta , Chapter -2 , shloka 23 :

मूल श्लोकः

नैनं छिन्दन्ति शस्त्राणि नैनं दहति पावकः।

न चैनं क्लेदयन्त्यापो न शोषयति मारुतः।।2.23।। 

English translation: No weapon can cut the soul into pieces, nor can it be burned by fire,
nor moistened by water, nor withered by the wind.

It is one year now  without her; I am still struggling to cope up with my grief. I tried doing several things like engaging myself in various activities related to professional and personal work, reading and listening Bhagvad Geeta , spiritual speeches, bhajans etc. but my suffering is still as it was. I understand the  meaning of above shloka but it does not help me in reducing my pain. I thought of penning down my thoughts in my next blog and make myself grief literate and get support from each and everyone. First and foremost, be aware of your own experience. It is “okay not to be okay”. Knowledge of grief is a key aspect of grief literacy. Grief takes many forms and is unique from person to person. It does not have stages. People who are grieving can have hesitating feelings that can feel like a roller coaster rides or waves. Just like when we are advised to put on our own oxygen mask before helping others, it is important to understand your own experience before seeking to support someone else.

We define grief literacy as the capacity to access, process, and use knowledge regarding the experience of loss. This is a capacity we all need in the midst of this pandemic. Social context plays a huge role in our experience of loss. We live in a society that is  becoming increasingly fragmented.  Grief literacy provides a way forward. It calls on all of us to be better acquainted with grief in order to support ourselves. The belief of grief literacy also includes skills. Some of the skills needed are empathetic listening, being able to ask questions in a sensitive manner, and being able to help individuals needing support to find resources. When we listen, we do not need to fix or minimise grief. We need to be able to ask about the feelings and experiences of those who are grieving even when it is painful for us to hear. Grief is painful. Knowledge about grief and our own experience of it can aid us in knowing where to access resources when other grievers are requesting that assistance. Not everyone needs professional help. A supportive friend who really listens can be so helpful. In these changed times, we need to reach out in old and new ways. We can continue to write letters and cards and send condolences messages.

I tried something else doing more frequently to combat grief. I started doing a regular video call with my other sisters. Ironically,  I was against it or sometimes I used to ignore video call, when my youngest sister used to call. I used to prefer audio calls . Why I am doing now? Am I doing due to guilt feeling? I do not have any answer for it.

There are many examples, of people honouring the memory of someone by creating scholarships, giving donations, spending in pooja , Pandits and Hawan etc.   As I started my career working with street children/grassroot level, I still try to think and help marginalized people. In memory of my sister, I do help few marginalized people (not naming them ) as per my capacity.

This way I feel, am trying to overcome of grief.  At times  one  never knows the true value of a moment until it become a memory.

I will end my write up with another shloka from Bhagvad Geeta:

मूल श्लोकः

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।

मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि।।2.47।। 

English translation: Lord Krishna explains to Arjuna the theory of Karmas. He said, believe in yourself and do your Karma (action) and success will follow  automatically. Doing Karma is in our hands only, Result is not in our hands.

 I will do my Karma (action) , personal and professional